I left

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I miss my less stressful life. I'm slowly returning to that though. Don't worry.

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So however it starts.. Me and Ed get into an argument whether he's stronger than Kevin Garnett.... Kevin Garnett. A professional athlete. Yea he's skinny. But Ed. Someone who's been in the weightroom once in 3months? And hardly consistent before that. Anyways. So he keeps arguing and then starts with the insults and saying I'm stupid. Right. So finally I go to the bathroom and take a shit. Finally I come out and he still wants to argue about it. So then I start calling him dumb and stupid. Finally he just bursts and yells get the fuck out my room three times. Louder each time....with food all up in his mouth. Ugh. So yea. Everyone is right. I shouldn't keep wasting my time with this fool. Way too high strung with a baaaad temper. Never seen someone so angry that much. with everybody. Wow. Idk what to do with that. And I don't need to deal with it anymore. For once I haven't cried. It's numbing really. I wasn't affected at all. I think he's coming. Bye until next time..

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Yeaa buddy

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Be yourself. Be the fun loving carefree person you've always been. Stay positive. Stay happy. Start marching to your own beat again. Today you and Edozie had a rocky day to start and the conclusion was to either "nut up or shut up" jk. But either you're going to have to accept him for who he is. All of him. Eventhough he's sweet 50% of the time and an ass the other percent. He does recognize he has some type of issue. It's not you. Don't let small things bother you. His personality and way of handling things shouldn't come as a suprise to you. Chill. He does love u and care about u alot. Don't nag. It's not ur style. If u want to spendtime with him let himknow. And if he wants to play videogames til dawn. Let him. If that's one ofthe few things that relaxes him then great! You aren't going to bthe one who changes this 26yr old mans way of life. Neither can

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Note to self: here at Ed house. Everyone here is petty. Everyone will take a mile if u give an inch. Seems like life is gettin hard but stick with it. You'll be a better stronger person for it. Even if u feel like ur all alone ur not. Even if u are physically then you know you're still fine. Do what you need to do and stay focused on the right things.

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Got a job. Yay
Got pulled over and got two tickets. Fuck
Listen.
Listen. Shit isn't the same out here.

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So finally after waiting in the car for an hour. We finally get back together and were watchingthe football game and he offers me food. Later he sincerely apologizes over nd over and said I didn't deserve to be treated that way and that he was a jerk. I cried. He told me he loved me and asked if I loved hm back... I didn't respond. I'm sick of being treated like this. Finally we finish watching the game and he treats me to food at bk. He starts playig around over nd over and I start gettig stressed. I set up a eBay account earlier that mornig and put up 3 pairs of shoes to be sold. I looked at it again and I say hay I got one watcher! And he looks at the site setup and claims it's all wrong. Huffing and puffing he starts to fix it. I say don't worry about it if ur already stressing about it. But he just shushes me. WTF.. There's more but just do t feel like typig anymore. Bye

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So finally after waiting in the car for an hour. We finally get back together and were watchingthe football game and he offers me food. Later he sincerely apologizes over nd over and said I didn't deserve to be treated that way and that he was a jerk. I cried. He told me he loved me and asked if I loved hm back... I didn't respond. I'm sick of being treated like this. Finally we finish watching the game and he treats me to food at bk. He starts playig around over nd over and I start gettig stressed. I set up a eBay account earlier that mornig and put up 3 pairs of shoes to be sold. I looked at it again and I say hay I got one watcher! And he looks at the site setup and claims it's all wrong. Huffing and puffing he starts to fix it. I say don't worry about it if ur already stressing about it. But he just shushes me. WTF.. There's more but just do t feel like typig anymore. Bye

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What to do? Leave? Stay? Compromise? Work it out? Change? Move back home? Talk it out and just say goodbye b4 something regreatable happens?...although that's probably already happened.

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Just to be more specific on m previous post. Me nd Ed went to the store but we were bickering while enterig and as soon as we turned down a packed isle he grabs a small box of cereal bars and throws them I'm my face. Touching all on my lip and everything ugh. Maybe I need quicker reflexes but I retaliate by marchig directly out the store and waiting by the car. He calls 5mins later cussing me out to come bak in the store
Or else he will drive off without me. So takig my time I walk back in the store. Searching for him. No sign of him. I call and call him with low service. He finally answers exclaiming for me to "get the fuck outside and get inthe car". I leave. He speeds home in my car and reaches his house and gets out with my car in the middle of the road and me in the passenger seat. I park my car and wait for him to cool down. He comes out after 10mins. And leaves in his car to go elsewhere. I call and call no answer. Finaly he answers still mad. And I apologize. Nothig resolved and I'm still here typig this after about an hour.. In my car... In the dark... Outside his house... Just waiting. Looking dumb as shit. Humiliated publicly and emotionally... Indescribable.

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Just to be more specific on m previous post. Me nd Ed went to the store but we were bickering while enterig and as soon as we turned down a packed isle he grabs a small box of cereal bars and throws them I'm my face. Touching all on my lip and everything ugh. Maybe I need quicker reflexes but I retaliate by marchig directly out the store and waiting by the car. He calls 5mins later cussing me out to come bak in the store
Or else he will drive off without me. So takig my time I walk back in the store. Searching for him. No sign of him. I call and call him with low service. He finally answers exclaiming for me to "get the fuck outside and get inthe car". I leave. He speeds home in my car and reaches his house and gets out with my car in the middle of the road and me in the passenger seat. I park my car and wait for him to cool down. He comes out after 10mins. And leaves in his car to go elsewhere. I call and call no answer. Finaly he answers still mad. And I apologize. Nothig resolved and I'm still here typig this after about an hour.. In my car... In the dark... Outside his house... Just waiting. Looking dumb as shit. Humiliated publicly and emotionally... Indescribable.

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Since when did I start putting up with so much disrespect from one person? Why do I? Why must I excuse so much? Just becuz of his upbringing? Becuz that's what he's used to? And in the end he always says hes sorry. Then i forgave him and for give him and give him the pussy for him. Why must I form and morph an conform in so many ways. When it's not what I'm used to. It's not right. I swear this will be the end. Or.. Will it be the end of me? They say it's going to be the end for me. I swear it's going to be the death of me. They say he doesn't care about me. And sometimes it feels as if.. As if he couldn't care less. Someone who can make u feel so special but simultaneously so low. Why can't I go. Why isn't the answer clear. Never thought I'd be in this position but when I survive I'll never be in this position again. Not to say that's he's completely to blame but he does take it to the most extreme. He can be so heartless and so cold. And I always end up the most hurt. The weak one. The meek one.Tell me... What will the outcome be? For better or worse? Will I come out stronger or will this be a forgotten curse? 9/12/09

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